Saturday 27 February 2010

2 weeks since I blogged, hmm...that's long. Well, it's simply because my life is so boring that I have to accumulate a bit of stories before I post. XD

The main thing that I want to post today is something that is keeping me very down despite my improved results.

Don't know since when I keep seeing this in people's eyes whenever I look at them. Their eyes seem to tell me "You disgust me." True or not, I'm not really sure. But it's super depressing whenever I look at people and they give me that look. This is especially so when I didn't even do or say anything to them. Even if I did, it was most probably unintentionally or was even just a joke. Well, what can I do if it's really so, I can only say "I'm sorry." But, I must argue that everyone hurts another sometimes unintentionally. But I won't continue as it's quite lengthy an argument to begin with.

One other thing that caught me recently: I haven't been smiling.

Last year, Adrian taught me to smile. He said smiling can liven one's spirit. Well, it seems to be very true. During the P's dialogue this week, he said that I got a smiley face. Actually smile can be used to fake one's level of confidence, etc., I think he has mistaken me. But that's not the point. I realised I lost my smile. It seems to take me some time before I can smile heartily in a day. I went shopping today and I found this pencil box to remind me to smile and this book which told me about my personality. I'm a perfect melancholy and peaceful phlegmatic, might as well peaceful melancholy. I'm not sure I appear to be rather melancholy but I know that I've been extremely quiet these days. I asked myself why and I realised it's because I got nothing to say plus the look people keep giving me.

Well, that's about it. I think I need enlightenment. Come to think of it. My age now is the age that determines if one becomes the angel or the demon. I think I'm on the verge to the demonic world. I need enlightenment! Oh well, what is supposed to come will come.

Darn, I want to do homework but my family is playing mahjong! =.=

Goodnight. Will blog once in a while.

Friday 12th February 2010

It's been a while since I last blogged. Yea, finally got the time to blog since it's CNY eve today!

Some happy stuffs over the past few days:

1) I caught up with my chemistry.

2) The orientation was fun and the CG that I was in charge of has very fun people.

3) Science week is a success and finally over!

4) Got more inspired to study econs because of Ms Zeenat.

5) Throat is finally fine!

A few sian stuffs:

1) Keep dozing off in class.

2) The emergency evacuation drill is kinda lame rather than sian because of the college dance.

3) CNY concert isn't that fun as compared to what I got in my Chung Cheng.

Yea, that's about the few things that I have.

Now, it's time for emotional stuffs.

These few days I've kinda been in emo state. I don't know why. Perhaps just too tired or perhaps like what skv says, no confidence. I don't know. These few days, I'm not sure, it seems that the days that passed by me is telling me something. It's as if it's telling me that the world that I'm living in is of darkness. I'm not sure, I keep having this thought that everyone is avoiding me, other than the teachers and some friends of course. I started to wonder, is it because I said something wrongly or did something wrongly. Well, I admit I did. But, that only appears in a few occasions, others were just jokes. I don't know, weird gazes just seem to be firing at me when I look at some people. It makes me wonder if I look like a pervert. It makes me wonder is it because of eczema and then my skin that scares people. I'm not sure. I don't know. Please tell me if my deductions are correct. Having these wild thoughts will really bring me the deepest of darkness. I don't know, one day, I might just lose my sanity and really become a ruthless person. Oh, I realised a few things. Firstly, I cannot bastard people easily for some reasons. Second, pardon for the mushiness, if the world I'm in is of darkness, then my friends, you are the very spots of light that will guide me through the dark. That is why I treasure friendship.

That's about all I feel like pouring out and it really feels great doing so.

Goodnight people.

~Wishing everyone a happy chinese new year, may your studies improve and your health well.~