Friday 29th January 2010

This week has been a tiring week, with 4 hrs of sleep only on Wednesday especially. But overall, it's been great! The orientation was simply just so fun! Like all refinements in case study questions, there are definitely a lot drawbacks this week.

Let's start with the simplest to describe. The orientation. Well, though it's fun and great and understandable for the freshies to not be so enthusiastic, there's this girl, who is a SP, fortunately not in my OG, who is super rude, but as I didn't want to cause too much problems when it's just the 2nd day, I controlled my temper. I believe if Ms Zeenat were to be there, she will roar at this rude girl.

Enough of this rude girl, I trust myself that the next time she's rude, I will go into Ms Zeenat mode.

Now, for some reasons or another, just one action out of pure reaction at any time, any place, pessimistic thoughts come hard at me. Somehow, no matter how hard I try to be optimistic that they aren't thinking in such a way, ten folds the pessimistic thinking hits into my mind. I seriously trust that people won't really think about me in the way I expect them to be pessimistically, but out of no where, the feelings of insecurities just come to me and are persistent. As a result, I have to enter my "cold" mode. But that made things worse. I suddenly think I should enter bastard mode simple because I heard such a phrase on TV: When you are close to someone, you'll never extremely polite to others. It simply means to strangers, as first impression counts, you'll be polite to them. But if you are close, you won't really be so. I guess I have this issue of being too polite when talking to friends and this appears to have a side effect. I guess I'll try being bastardly more often from now on.

Somehow, I feel that my will is getting weaker. I don't know why, perhaps is just because the stress level is building up. I guess I'll need to see the counselor or someone to really help myself get out of this situation. Never in my life, even in O levels, have I felt so weak before.

Fear.

Crap, just received a message to do 4 AQs, really good luck. Goodnight for now. Might be writing on Sunday if not next week. It feels great to pour out my feelings.

~I'm going bonkers soon......~

Sunday 24 January 2010

Today's mom's b'day and I totally forgot about it. A few things to state:

One thing I should be reminded of: Never take 81 to Pasir Ris and then go home from there.

One thing I promise myself: Finish all the homework before orientation begins.

One thing I need: Sleep.

One thing I know about myself: I'm not that likeable like what some people show me.

One other thing I know about myself: I'm selfish.

One thing I'm gonna do: Leave my laptop alone for the next 3 days.

One thing I saw: Pampered kid.

One thing I prefer: Doing things in my own logical manner.

That's about it. Goodnight.

~Let me be......~

Friday 22nd January 2010

Today is finally the end of the week! These few days have been nothing but mugging...great, friday is really so far from monday and monday is so close to friday...what's with the world? Time just seem to pass by so quickly. For some reasons, I got this feeling that I'm kinda avoided by not just one but quite a few people, maybe true maybe not. I suddenly find cheering is so good! It can help me distress when I shout, damn shiok XD Was kinda pissed off by some people recently, but after some thinking, I guess, I have my faults too and I cannot make things go in my way. Shyt, living in this world is like living against current. Push on!

Tired, seriously and badly tired. Tomorrow there's still refreshal camp, hopefully no house meeting after that, got a lot of homework to do. Nights.

~Sleep! I need sleep!!!!~

Thursday 21 January 2010

Today was just like any other day except something happened. The principal made an impactful speech and according to him, he's controlling his temper. He said this: We are like a frog in a pot of water that has gradual increment of temperature. Not reacting immediately to slow increase in temperature, the frog will then slowly be boiled to death.

Simply meaning that we are not active in what we are doing, we only become active when there is something very impacting that happened to us, active in the sense that we change how we do some things etc. And I believe that this is the very particular effect of Significant Emotional Experience. Well, I'm not really sure if I've really been through it but along the way in my life, I did try to make some differences in myself. Looking back at 2 years ago, I think my behavior in doing things did change when I compared to the now me. 2 years ago, I am always the extremely timid little mouse in the class, not saying much things in fact. However, 2 years from then till today, I never would have thought that I would take up the role of an OSL and even a speaker for the wws interest group in SRJC (opps, can't say too much about this part, secret XD). Change is the only constant, somehow, I think I know what it means.

He also made this point straight or something like that: A levels is a test of whether we are able to think intelligent when we formulate answers, whether we can give our own comments on issues, there's thus no final answer. I don't really remember what he said about this part but I think he did mention that A levels is not about having a definite answer which is why copying of model answers is not advised. Pardon me if I made a mistake, kinda tired now. Anyway, whatever he said did gave me the feeling that I should do something for myself.

Anyways, today's house meeting for identity was kinda screwed but for the cheers was definitely great and fun!

I just finished half my pending homework for tomorrow and I'm going to sleep now and go school earlier to complete the rest. Goodnight!

~Hearing is not equivalent to listening......~

Wednesday 20 January 2010

Time really flies. Today is already the 3rd day of the 2nd wk of my JC2 life! These few days really sibei no life. Mug mug mug. Really super tired already. Crap, the homework is still piling up! Wah, today I'm like neglected twice today T.T once during PE and once on the bus by my friend. !@#$%^&* oh well, maybe they just didn't notice me.

I tabulei tahan the econs lecture already, it's really super boring. It's a good thing that I had a power nap this afternoon, if not I'm going to be so zombie can......

Arghh!!! I want to sleep le, nights.

Sunday 17 January 2010

Today I woke up late and went to WWS sleepily. And because I was late, got to bike with this very boring person, sibei sian throughout. But after WWS, went out with Kai Vearn , Hua Zhen and Yee Liang to meet Si Ting and Adam. They ate subway while I drank my coffee. Chit chat a bit and played some arcade games before leaving. The games were kinda fun...but grrr, homework still undone!!!!!

Haizz~~ my new plan, sleep early now, wake up earlier tomorrow and chiong until 5am then go school chiong again.

Right, time to bathe and goodbye!

~Aiseh, the horoscope for facebook seems to be very accurate...~

Saturday 16 January 2010

Today had econs test in the morning. Well, as usual, can't finish it. From my own marking, the marks improved but I'm not happy about it because it's not my skills in answering improved, was merely lucky for getting some simple questions.

Had Aquila meeting after that and doing physics. !@#$%^&* the whole thing is so frustrating and it lasted all the way to 9+++ but it was not really that bad because there were a lot of jokes etc along the way.

Right, there's a lot of homework to complete. Grrr, shit, goodnight.

~Some things just don't go your way, accept the fact...~

Friday 15th January 2010

Today has been a rather smooth day. Managed to talk to a few people and got almost the whole class contact information le. Oh and I managed to push back the meeting for Earth day to Sunday, making myself less stressed up now. Got to do some things for S*STAR and for some reasons or another, it seems that I suddenly got the passion in doing things for the CCA. Crap, tomorrow got econs DRQ test and I'm still not prepared yet. Got to prepare for it soon~~~~~~

For some reason or another, some friends still seem as creepy as ever and some just become more friendly. Anyway, I did made a step into trying to talk to a few people and I think it'll get better as days pass on.

Time to get a bathe and study......Oh, and for some reason or another, some people just love appearing offline=.=

Goodnight!

~Study hard when we should, play hard when we can......~

Thursday 14 January 2010

Today's lessons were kinda alright for me! I managed to mug after lessons for 2 hrs straight! YAY! An achievement! But then, CT period made me feel that my life is so damn boring. Sadly, I think it seems to be getting harder and harder to bond with the class. Darn! Oh I took up the economics rep once more! Under Miss Zeenat! XD Crap...I seriously don't know how I'm going to bond with my classmates when some seem outgoing and some seem super scary. Grrr.....I have been jacked these 2 days like crazy-.- And things seem to be in awkward situation whenever I'm around...Great and I got this feeling that sooner or later, I'm left with no one if this continues on......I think I'll take a step at a time and see how things go...hopefully, I'll be able to bond with the class soon...feeling so left-out....

Oh well, it's all about breaking barriers.....and it's time to bathe and finish off my physics homework so that I can focus on GP tomorrow. :D

That's it, bye.

~Things are really getting out of hand......~

Wednesday 13 January 2010

Today had PE outdoor programme! Yea, the games were kinda fun but strangely, I don't feel much bonded to the class. There were some bonding though. Got to know some classmates better. That's great! Tomorrow I'll get their contact number and email address. Had Mac for the day with some Old Chang Kee and potato soup at home. Eh? I ate so little today?

Was kinda pissed off when filling the form for FAS. Oh well, not much a problem anyway. Tomorrow school will resume, sad but there are very few actual lessons. Only like 1 hr of phy, 1 hr of econs lecture and tutorial and 1 hr of gp! The rest of the day seems to be kinda slack for me.

Hmm, recently the pessimistic thoughts just keep getting into me and I don't know why. Irritating. And it's been the 4th time since I got such a dream recently. I guess I'm a bit mad already. Haizz what to do? I don't know. How I wish I can read people's mind. It's damn frustrating when I don't know what people are thinking about me. ARGH!

Anyway, it's so late already, time for the bed. Goodnight! XD

~Focus, focus, focus......~

Tuesday 12 January 2010

I feel so god damn petty today. I have kinda been emoing these 2 days and I don't know why. Maybe I'm just tired. I seriously don't know. There was this feeling that told me to not be with them for awhile. Strange. Hopefully tomorrow's PE outdoor programme will make me feel much much better than what I'm feeling now.

School was kinda okay for me these 2 days. Oh dear, got Ms Zeenat and Mr Lee again! Gotta work hard and not disappoint them XD A lot of homework still undone but hopefully I can finish them as soon as possible.

Time to wait for people to come online and ask them for lunch XD

~The distance becomes a mile away......The ice has started to form......~

Sunday 10 January 2010

The finale of the long holidays. Ending the day with sleep, wws, eat and homework. Talking about today reminds me of the work out Kaivern gave me today......crap, speed until half dead. Pool abit before we left though XD

The past 2 days were great in the OSL camp. Aquila won, but the real one is gonna be during the orientation...Damn tired after the OSL camp, I'm still under rejuvenation now...Energy breakdown, shout until die. do until die....tired but fun, but seriously, half-dead. Don't feel like typing out the details though....XD

Shyt, school is gonna start in tomorrow, freak! A lot of homework still not done.

Bye.

~My madness rose again......~

Thursday 7 January 2010

Today is the 1st day of the OSL camp! Somehow, my tiredness made people think that I'm not really enthusiastic.....oh well, perspectives, something shown to me on the art museum trip. But that told me something, as well as what Mrs Ang said, I need to look more enthusiastic so that my juniors will be as enthusiastic as me on the orientation days. The games were actually quite fun today except for a few which I find are not fun enough like the entanglement one...not so entangling after all...

I realise courage is one important thing in this leading of juniors. Shame is nothing in front of leading. I remember watching this show called Bai Quan Nu Wang whereby the actress said this translated: Courage is everyday's build up. I guess that's how it should be translated. Somehow, I lost the courage built up within me thru the past years....or maybe i don't even have them in the first place...

One happy thing: I got the goat doraemon! Damn cute can XD

Another happy thing: The sarawak peeps are back!

One sad thing: Lost my impulse during games...paiseh....

One funny thing: The laughing is the best medicine game didn't made me laugh.

Another funny thing: The walk-in actions is gonna be damn joke. But I believe it is gonna work!

One angry thing: I have not completed my homework.

One irritating thing: I damn tired now.

One mad thing: 6 guys only in the OSL aquila team. The rest girls.

One decided thing: I need to be enthusiastic about the orientation.

One last thing: Tomorrow's gonna reach school by 7.15am.

Goodnight. :D

~Love yourself, then can others love you...~

Sunday 3 January 2010

Today, I'm going to take my 400 bucks for merit bursary. Guessed it's gonna be damn boring to wait for the guest of honour to arrive.

Now, I'm going to add in the part I promised yesterday. (I kinda feel guilty if I don't do this)

To my secondary school friends who walked me through my very lonely secondary school life:

James-Yeah, you are one good hellish joker, but a good friend of mine. Without you, I don't think I'll be able to suan people as good as now lolx and never able to have grown interest in Chinese books even though I was much more powerful in Chinese than in English. We have walked Chung Cheng together for 4 years straight but without you, I can never imagine how enjoyable school life can be. Thanks man.

Alden-You are one good host I have met. I think I gotta say sorry instead of thank you. Sorry for going to your house so frequently and as a result disturbing your family. But I still gotta thank you for your hospitality and allowing me to enjoy at your house. Yea, you and James had walked with me throughout my secondary school life for 4 years and it will never be so fun without you 2, I must say that. Though we haven't been keeping in touch throughout 2009, I still wish you a good life in Pioneer if I'm not wrong and thereafter of course.

Edwin-My gaming buddy. Yea, you've been my soul mate even till today although we don't really talk that much throughout 2009. You're kinda fun to be with and a good listener to what I always got to tell you. You've been a great host too. Always allowing me into your house to play. Someday, after A level, I will go your house again. XD I don't have much to tell you here but I do wish you a good life in JJC and thereafter.

Clarence-My Chess Mate. Yea, though I don't think you'll see this, I still gonna tell you what I should be telling you. You, together with James and Alden, had walked me through Chung Cheng for 4 years. Throughout those few years, it has been great to play with you. I heard that you have retained this year. Though I didn't really call you up, I think you should know what's best for you. Even though it may or may not be your wish to retain, retaining doesn't mean anything, it's just another year of meeting new people and reinforcing what you already had in your brains. Yea, that's about it and I hereby wish you a good life in TPJC and thereafter.

Adrian-My listener and ice breaker. Yea, though we've only spent time together for a year as a friend, you've been a really important person in my life. I think without you, I can never talk to the rest in the class such as Hui Qi, Clarissa, etc. Without you, I think I would have gone through 2009 in the most miserable way. You taught me how to smile once more. I guess you are one angel on this Earth, bringing happiness to each and every one around you. It has been great to have a heart-to-heart talk with you. Yea, you are indeed a great friend. And thus, I wish hard that you have a good life in NYJC and thereafter.

To the rest-Sorry, I don't think I got that much to tell you guys, but it is still a fact that you guys brought light to me. You guys did impact me in some way or another and I really thank you guys to be about me and sometimes care about me. I'm glad about it. I do wish that you guys will lead a good life no matter where you are.

Now, to my dear 1s18 friends who have walked me through this treacherous year of 2009:

Shannon aka SKV-The first person I met in 1s18. You are the light among the class and being about you really makes me happy. Your irritating jokes and actions and words are what really brings laughter to us, or at least me if not others. Yea, though we didn't talked like for months since that incident but I'm still glad that you are willing to talk to me ever since PW brought us together. Playing with you is really great. You are one speed learner, making my life in game better ya know. Yea, we had a few heart-to-heart talk sessions and it really makes me feel much much better after telling you what I kept. But, sometimes when I ask you about yours, I mean after you contextualize la, it makes me feel like a kaypo. Not a good feeling. Lolx. Yea, but I hope you really don't mind it. Sometimes I also don't get what your head is thinking. Such as the recent big thing I told you, one moment you said nothing. One moment you said something. I don't get it but I know what you may be telling me. Yea, it will just be nothing. We are going to be in the same class next year still. Let's run through this 10 months marathon and go to the university.

Boon Han aka LV-My listener for the year of 2009. You are one great person to be with. You listen, give advices, explain some stuffs and joke. Watching you and Shannon bullying each other is really one fun thing. Lolx. Yea, you are also one great player too. Yea, you are right about PW. It bonds the Vs together. And I'm really glad about it. I can never forget the moments we spent together as the Vs. It's really great. Yea, you told me how you viewed relationships and I must say I agree to what you think. After all, I can't change how you think. Oh yea, you are going to be in the same class as me next year too. Let's run through this 10 months marathon and go to the university and slim down at the same time. :D

Nina aka FAC-Since you didn't want to be called FV, FAC will the next best alternative. Lolx. Looking at how you study really makes me worry for myself. You are one hardworking person can. I think if we didn't study together in the canteen, I most probably will have never even touched my holiday homework at all. Lolx. I must say I failed in my time management though I did so much planning in front of you before school ended. Yea, we'll be in the same class next year too! A 10 months marathon like what I said and hopefully we'll end up in the university. Oh yea, shed some fats!

Mei Ying aka Donkey-You are one great PW mate I ever had. And how can we forget? You are one great gossiper as well. XD This year, PW has been great with your help. Without you, we most probably won't be able to find that many SOIs and do well for the filing of the GPF. Your story telling skills are excellent can. I can still remember the times when you always open gossip circle. Watching JZ and you bullying each other is really a fun thing. Yea, you have shown me how women can fascinate over hair bands. You have shown me that there are many places that I have never been to. You have shown and told me many things that I don't know. You are like a big sister to me. But, sometimes, your decelerness really makes me want to open your brain and see how you think can. Lolx. Yea, we'll be in different classes next year. But still, a 10 months marathon awaits our challenge. Do work hard and aim high. Wish that you'll make it to the university.

Jun Zhe aka FUV- One great PW leader. Sometimes, you appear to be indecisive but you will always make the right choice in the end. That's something good. But then again, sometimes, I don't know what you are thinking. You appear cheerful on the outside, but your heart has never been opened to any of us. Something you need to change is that emo feeling that you give. It may not be on purpose but then again, we can see that you are emoing, so don't lie about it. If you really wish to hide your emoness, just smile. Smile is something that reduces the emo feeling that you may give to others. I don't know if you have made the right choice in taking the re-exam and henceforth making it to JC2, but I assure you that you need to put in 300% of the effort that you have put in 2009 to make it to the university. One suggestion to help in your STM, you can try this. 24 48 116. 24 means within 24 hrs after you learned smth, read through it again. 48 means 48 hrs, 1st 1 means 1 week, 2nd 1 means 1 month and 6 means 6 months. Try it. It is a method for long term memory. I do wish your best for A levels and henceforth.

Ly aka Aunty-I think I never told you this before. I was damn scared of you can before we got bonded by PW. After bonding with you, I found it fun to be about you. All the jokes and from nowhere highness really makes life fun with you. Though we didn't really talk that much, but I guess you are one really really nice person to be with. Though we'll be in different class next year, I still wish for your best in the A levels and henceforth.

Emily the Awesome-You are one awesome lady. When it's the time to joke, you joke. When it's the time to be serious, you are. I guess PW in 2009 couldn't have been better without you. You helped us do a lot of editing this year and helped made a lot of important decisions. Yea, I know you're gonna retain this year. Painful but it will definitely be another fated period in your life. I hope you will be able to reinforce your knowledge this year and make it to the As and thereafter to the university.

To the rest-I'm sorry but it's really tiring to think of so much to type. Perhaps another time if I can. But nonetheless, it has been great to have met you guys. You guys taught me many things and impacted me in some way or another. I do hope you guys can make it to the university.

Yea, I feel much better after typing so much to tell them how I feel. It's time to play with SKV for awhile before I sleep. :D

~I will keep it to myself......~

Saturday 2 January 2010

Today is the 2nd day of 2010!!!! This is the 1st post of 2010 XD

To spend the day in a more relaxed manner, I watched Autumn's Concerto! Damn touching can XD

After watching, I kinda feel sad for myself. I don't know why either.

Somehow, I finally know why people treat me in the way they do. But, somehow, those thoughts just linger about my mind even though I know they will never be true. But, I guess, what's not mine will never be mine and most probably, the thoughts will just go off as they get diluted away. I think somethings are meant to be secrets as they will never to be told to others.

Anyway, emo stuffs should not be what I should be thinking about now. Life is still best to be passed happily but sometimes with that little bit of sadness. Tomorrow gonna collect 400 bucks as merit bursary XD YAY! but school's gonna just start the next day (I take it as so) since I have to go back for the whole week. No life next week T.T But, it's good for me to practise time management once more, so it won't be that bad.

Hmm...after reading a few blogs, I realised I should put some thank you stuffs here, but I will do it another time.

That's it I got to tell today. A brand new year awaits our arrival to pass.

~May my madness just end today......~