Let's start with the simplest to describe. The orientation. Well, though it's fun and great and understandable for the freshies to not be so enthusiastic, there's this girl, who is a SP, fortunately not in my OG, who is super rude, but as I didn't want to cause too much problems when it's just the 2nd day, I controlled my temper. I believe if Ms Zeenat were to be there, she will roar at this rude girl.
Enough of this rude girl, I trust myself that the next time she's rude, I will go into Ms Zeenat mode.
Now, for some reasons or another, just one action out of pure reaction at any time, any place, pessimistic thoughts come hard at me. Somehow, no matter how hard I try to be optimistic that they aren't thinking in such a way, ten folds the pessimistic thinking hits into my mind. I seriously trust that people won't really think about me in the way I expect them to be pessimistically, but out of no where, the feelings of insecurities just come to me and are persistent. As a result, I have to enter my "cold" mode. But that made things worse. I suddenly think I should enter bastard mode simple because I heard such a phrase on TV: When you are close to someone, you'll never extremely polite to others. It simply means to strangers, as first impression counts, you'll be polite to them. But if you are close, you won't really be so. I guess I have this issue of being too polite when talking to friends and this appears to have a side effect. I guess I'll try being bastardly more often from now on.
Somehow, I feel that my will is getting weaker. I don't know why, perhaps is just because the stress level is building up. I guess I'll need to see the counselor or someone to really help myself get out of this situation. Never in my life, even in O levels, have I felt so weak before.
Fear.
Crap, just received a message to do 4 AQs, really good luck. Goodnight for now. Might be writing on Sunday if not next week. It feels great to pour out my feelings.
~I'm going bonkers soon......~
